Sex with strangers is fun. One night stands are pretty great. Fuck buddies are awesome! But do you know what's better? Finally fucking your crush. Whether this crush be purely sexual or the kind that begets undying love, it feels pretty darn good to add someone you've been mad crushing on to your list of sexual conquests.
The problem with crushes is that they're intimidating. You like something about them - whether that be their looks or their personality or some combination of the two - you like them a little, which makes them significantly harder to approach than literally anyone else that you might want to fuck.
So here's how to ask your crush out, flirt with them, and get them between the sheets:
Confidence is key!
Let's start with you, dear reader. You can't just dive into flirtation without preparation. And the first thing you need to work on is yourself. Because, as Ru Paul would say, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anyone else (can I get an amen?). Confidence is something you find within yourself. However, there are definitely things you can do day-to-day to make you feel more confident.
Think about what makes you feel good about yourself: is it getting your hair done? Is it having a productive morning? Is it that one really good shirt that you have?
Do whatever makes you feel like your best self before you get out there and make any sort of move on your crush!
Asking Them Out Online or Over Text
Okay, there are two routes that you can go about asking your crush out in the modern age. You're either going to ask them out over social media or text or you're going to ask them out in person. You're not going to call them - because who calls anyone anymore? - and you're not going to have your friend set you up. You're going to do this yourself!
Make your crush known
You should probably be doing this before you ask someone out in person as well, but because asking someone out over text is a little impersonal this tip is more important.
You have to make sure that you give your target the impression that you like them, because you do! You can't expect this person to pick up on vibes if you haven't done anything to put them out. So instead of trying to let your crush know that you like them telepathically, take to social media and drop some hints!
I find that I always take special notice of someone who not only likes my Instagram photos and Tweets but retweets them, comments, tosses a fire emoji in the comments on a selfie, etc.
So go back a few weeks and like a selfie, shamelessly stalk their Twitter. Because if you do this, you're going to drop a fat hint that you're interested in them.
Chat for a while
You should also make sure that you're occasionally dropping DM's or sending them funny memes (make sure they respond to these because some people find this annoying and will ignore you). Interacting with someone on social media in the comments, retweets, and DMs will let them know that you exist and will leave an opportunity open for you to chat.
Talk either in the DMs or via text! Ask them how they are or comment about something funny you saw on their Twitter or something. Ask what they're up to, see what they're doing on the weekend. Keep an eye out for special events that are going on in your area too (this can be a potential window to make a move!).
Ask to Hang
Once you've been chatting for a while where you both are responding fairly quickly, and you feel that the vibe is good, it's time to make moves!
If they say they aren't doing anything that weekend, you should ask them out for drinks or coffee! Invite them to a party, invite them over, invite them to do something with you!
Keep an eye out for live music, parties, and other events on Facebook or other event sites. This may be a good thing for the two of you to do together!
Asking Them Out in Person
Okay, asking someone out in person is absolutely terrifying. I know, I've been there, it sucks. But when it goes well, boy, is the pay off totally worth it.
It's much easier to deal with rejection through a computer or a phone screen, but asking someone out face-to-face is much more rewarding, and it's honestly more impressive.
Also, sometimes you're around this person so often where it would look weird if you didn't ask them out in person. It would make more sense for you to do this and it will also make you seem like a confident individual - which is ALWAYS hot.
Looking good (feeling good)
Remember how I said that confidence is everything? Well, here's where it comes back into play. Before you ask someone out, you want to make sure that you're looking good. I don't care how often people champion the idea that "looks don't matter," because they absolutely do.
Even if you're planning on asking out the least shallow person on the planet, looks are going to matter - if not to them, they'll matter to you.
The way you look and carry yourself is important. So if it means standing in front of the mirror for a few more minutes, do it. Do whatever you have to do to make you feel good.
Additionally, you want to feel good when you ask out this person. So if you're having a bad day, maybe wait until you next see this person before pulling the trigger.
Chat for a while
Just like when you're asking someone out online, you might want to carry on a bit of a conversation before you make your move.
It'll make them feel more comfortable, and it'll make you feel more comfortable with putting yourself out there. You should ask them how they are, what they're up to, and make basic small talk. Then you should ask them about something you have in common and talk about some sort of shared interest.
Mention that you have to get going (and actually have to get going, so if you're doing this at work make sure you aren't trapped in awkwardness) and then offer to buy them a drink sometime. Ask them to get coffee or see if they want to see that band that's coming into town.
Making Big Moves
Once you have them going out with you, all that's left for you to do is close. This means you have to avoid running any red flags up the pole while you're with them. It's more nerve-wracking to make moves on someone you're really into, but as I said earlier, they pay off is much better (and odds are, the sex will be too.)
3 points of contact
I've always heard dating experts say that you should try to make three points of contact during your date. And this doesn't mean trying to use the person as a twister board (that comes later in the evening and with minimal clothing). You want to reach out and touch them three times throughout the time you're together. This will let them know that you're interested in them and will introduce physical contact as a norm.
So touch their back, when you laugh at a joke lean forward and touch their leg, brush their hand, or hold their hand if you're feeling it!
Slow build to getting dirty
One thing that will turn someone off pretty quickly is too fast of escalation. Foreplay is important, right? So think about this as the foreplay to the foreplay. You want to set the mood without jumping right in and putting them off.
Start by flirting. Making sweet comments will set a romantic mood. Once you can tell that you have the okay for flirtation feel free to turn up the heat gradually!
Head back to yours
Once things are starting to get too hot for being out in public, it might be time to ask if they want to "get outta here."
If you get turned down or if things simmer down once you're back at their place, don't worry! Sometimes the best things require a little bit of work, so ask them out again!