Never Do This When Snapchat Sexting

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When it comes to sexting, there are plenty of unspoken rules that you need to abide by, or else you're going to find yourself redfaced and probably with blue balls. And that's never a good combination.

I decided that it's just not fair for these unspoken rules to remain as such, so I put them in plain words for you, dear reader! Here is a list of the worst sexting mistakes you could possibly make on Snapchat, in order from least embarrassing to absolutely catastrophic:

Snapchat Sexting Mistakes

  1. Letting Auto-Correct Cock Block You

    When it comes to the least embarrassing mistake, you can make while sexting, letting autocorrect ruin the mood when you're getting it on is probably the least terrible thing that can happen. I mean, it's not the worst thing in the world if fuck autocorrects to duck, but there are worse words that can sneak their way into your sexting.

    My recommendation to you is to turn the function off in settings if you find it's seriously impeding your messaging ability.

    However, if you're like me, then you might want to leave that function on to avoid sounding completely illiterate. When you're in the heat of the moment sweaty palms and fast fingers may betray you, so autocorrect might catch you when you slip up. There's no harm in giving your naughty messages the once-over before hitting send. This will allow you to catch autocorrect before it tries to pull a sneaky little trick on you.

  2. Finishing the Conversation Before She's Done

    Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn't end when you cum, and neither does sexting.

    When you nut, you're officially not allowed to stop responding to her messages and pass the fuck out. That's just straight up not allowed. It's incredibly selfish just to pass the fuck out before your lady has had a chance to have an orgasm.

    I know that it might be hard to stay awake after having an orgasm - especially if it was a great one - but the best thing you can do is return the favor if the girl you're sexting hasn't cum yet.

    Do yourself a favor and keep on sexting because odds are if you just stop replying she's not going to be down to sext again! And if you had any hope of meeting up to bang in person, that'll be out the window too!

  3. Not Replying Fast Enough

    One of the things you have to do to keep the mood sexy and fun is to respond on time. You can't start sexting and disappear for two hours to play Fortnite and expect the vibe to be there still when you come back. That's just not realistic!

    If you decide that you're going to spend time sexting then the only other multitasking you should be doing is masturbating. Anything else doesn't deserve the same amount of energy. This way you won't find yourself completely distracted while sexting only to remember what you were doing in the first place several hours later.

    The only time that this is acceptable is if you're sexting a little throughout your work day in anticipation of getting off later when you can offer your full attention! That kind of build up is sexy. Killing the mood, on the other hand, isn't very sexy.

    Plus, you should know that there is nothing worse than getting blue balled, so don't do that to anyone else. It's the sexual equivalent of a party foul.

  4. "Mmm" and "Ahh"ing your Chances Away

    When you're sexting, you need to use your words. And I'm going just to come right out and say it, "mmm" and "ooh" and "ahhh" don't count as words.

    I understand that men tend to be more visual creatures, but women are usually more aroused by words than porn. A good sext to a woman is just as arousing as a sexy nude is to a guy. So, if you're sexting like English is your third language, then you're definitely doing something very wrong.

    Have you ever read a romance novel? That's what I thought; you haven't. But do you know who reads romance novels? And all the sexual fan fiction on the internet? That's right, WOMEN. While men make up the majority of porn viewers, women make up the majority of porn readers.

    So when you're sexting keep that in mind. Break out your thesaurus and think of some other words for "dick" while you're at it. This is when you need to channel what you learned in high school AP English all those years ago. Use your imagination while you're sexting, your female partner will thank you!

  5. Doing the Verbal Equivalent of Skipping Foreplay

    There is nothing worse than a guy who skips foreplay. The second worse thing in the world is a guy who skips foreplay when he's sexting.

    Honestly, the last thing that you should do is start sexting with the hardcore stuff. You can't open up your sexting with talking about how you want to pound her. It takes a while to ease into the Triple-X stuff!

    Sexting should be exactly like sex; you need to ease into it and slowly escalate to full-on jackhammering. So start sweet. Start how you would start actual sex.

    The last thing you'd want to do is shock her. Warm her up before going in for the kill.

  6. Begging for Nudes

    While this may sound foreign to some of you reading, sexting doesn't have to be a visual thing at all.

    Sexting literally is a combination of the words "sex" and "texting," so where in there does it suggest that your partner has to send you nudes?

    If you're the kind of guy who begs for nudes, you're going to get annoying really fast. If every other word out of your mouth is asking for a titty or an ass pic, then you need to check yourself. Because do you know what girls do when they get annoyed? They either tell you off, block you, and roast you in your group chat or they just ghost the shit out of you (and probably still roast you in their group chat).

    There is nothing less sexy than a guy begging for nudes… unless she's teasing you on purpose, then that's really sexy. But let her send you nudes on her terms. And don't beg unless she tells you to!

  7. Unsolicited Dick Pics

    I just got a dick pick as I was writing this article. Did I want it? Nope. Did I find myself enjoying it? Nope. Did I almost block him on Snapchat? Yes. Did I roast him in my group message with all my girlfriends? Hell Yeah.

    When it comes to dick pics, they're never fun or sexy unless they're asked for. So please, for the love of god, don't send dick pics without having been given an explicit request for one.

    There is nothing more terrifying than opening an unsolicited dick pic in a public setting where no one should be getting dick pics. God forbid the person next to you on the subway or at work sees it. They're going to think that you're a sexual deviant if you're sexing in public.

    Just don't send a dick pic unless she asks or if she's already sending you nudes.